Current mood:	melancholy
Entry tags:	new house, unhappy :(

Rock Bottom
So yeah, we've moved. And all I have to say on the subject is: I fucking hate this goddamn place! It's awful here! First of all, I must inform you all that I have moved in with my mother's boyfriend, and her boyfriend's sister and this woman is FAR from what is defined as a valuable, productive member of society. All she does all day long is sit on the couch and watch tv. I'm not exaggerating here, that is ALL she does. She takes an hour or so to cook dinner (Which is awful too), but that's about it. I just feel like yelling at her 'Get off your ass and do something worth while!!' It annoys me to no end. Given she doesn't speak any French, but she's been here for like, 5 years, you think she would have bothered to picked up some up by now. And on another note, this is Quebec, we speak French here, if you don't want to WHY ARE YOU HERE??????? I know that my French is nowhere near great, but at least I can speak some.

And on another note, my mother STILL hasn't got a job. It's been nearly been a year, and she's barely tried to find one, which is a big thing because she's the sole provider for this family. She owes me a buttload of money and she couldn't afford to pay my school fees on time this semester.

Gah! Everyone is just making me sick to my stomach. Normally when forced to co-habit with people I dislike I simply lock myself in my bedroom and only emerge for food and other biological needs, but I can't do that in this case because I don't have a room. Well, there's a room that's supposed to be mine, but it's unfinished and being used as a storage room for all their junk. Seriously, that room is not fit for human habitation. There's piles of boxes and carpet tacks sticking up from the floor. I stepped on one. It hurt.

So, while I'm here I'm forced to stay in my step-sister's room, as she's only here every other weekend. Doesn't sound too bad does it? Well, this room is packed with 2 mattresses leaning against the wall, so I can sit on my bed, or pace the 3 clear steps until I bump into a goddamn mattress. And the icing on the cake? the door doesn't even close properly! I've got absolutely no privacy.

I'm absolutely miserable, and no one gives the appearance of giving a damn, they're just all so happy with everything. It's unbelievably hard being the only unhappy one in a household. And my boyfriend isn't helping at all. He's all like 'You should do this' or 'You're not doing that the right way'. Almost every time I talk to him it 'Have you talked to them yet? Have they started on your room yet?'. News flash here, I have spoken to them about the subject, it just hasn't done any good. He tells me that I have to keep pestering them to get started, but honestly, I'm tired of being the Big Bad Bitch and being the only one with something bad to say about the situation. It's mentally exhausting, and I can't do it anymore. I know that he is worried for me, what the situation is doing to me, physically and mentally, but he doesn't realize that he's making it twice as bad. What I need him to do in a time like this is be supportive of and what I decide to do and not try dictate what I should do every time I talk to him. I don't like being with him cause I go to him to escape the situation at home, and with his incessant nagging I can't do that. He just doesn't get that he can't help me in this situation.

I miss my cat. When something bad happened before the move, I could close myself up in a dark room and hold the one being that never told me what to do, never ignored me when I was upset, and was the only one to show me unconditional love. Now he's gone, and for the first time in 12 years I have to face a bad situation without him. God I miss him so much, more than I've ever missed anything. I honestly don't know how I got by without him before. This might sound silly to some people, but they're the ones who've never had a pet they bothered to love. Animals love unconditionally, they don't verbally harass you when they think they know what's best for you, they don't ignore your pain and they are the best listeners you could ask for.


I miss you Lucky.